By Martha Batista.
It
was a hot, humid afternoon in late June some 20 years ago. I was particularly anxious that day, but
overwhelmed with joy and excitement at the same time. I was standing in the
vestibule of the beautiful Cathedral Basilica of Saints Peter and Paul in Philadelphia, right behind
five of my closest friends. I peeked inside the cavernous church and saw
hundreds of people standing and looking back at me. Then, the organ and trumpets started playing
a familiar tune and, one by one, my friends from years ago began to slowly walk
into the church. It was at this point
that my legs almost gave out and I felt I would lose consciousness at any
moment. It was my wedding day.
Right
next to me, holding my arm, was my father.
He was about to walk his only child down the aisle and hence, he,
himself, was in an usually emotional state of mind. I will never forget what he said to me in
that instant, partly because it was sort of strange, but, more importantly
because it gave me the courage to walk down that long aisle on that day and
begin my new life. He said to me, “You don't need to be afraid or nervous; you
are made out of iron.” I often
thought about those words during the many years that followed that day. Whenever I find myself in a particularly stressful
situation, whether it is in my personal or professional life, those words have always given me the strength (as well as a smile) to face the situation at hand.
I
have many memories of my dad like the one I just described. My dad taught me many things that have shaped
the person I am today: to have a positive attitude in life, be thankful for
everyday, work hard, be honest and loyal, have opinions and views on issues
that matter, help others in need, study and get good grades, take risks at
work, be financially conservative, save money for a rainy day, be a life
partner to my husband, travel as much as possible, learn new things, enjoy
life, and many, many other lessons.
That’s
why it’s painful, frustrating and disheartening to be with my father
today. My father was diagnosed with
Alzheimer’s about 6 years ago. This
awful disease has been slowly taking my father away and leaving a mere shell of
him behind. My father can no longer give
me advice. He can no longer hold a
conversation or participate in family celebrations or activities. He no longer remembers the English language
(he learned English in his 40’s when he arrived from Spain). He no longer walks and needs help with all
the activities of daily living. He does
not remember how many grandchildren he has.
He does not know what city or state he is in. He does not remember that his mother died in
the 1970’s, and often asks to talk with her on the phone. The list of things that my father can no
longer do is very long.
But
the absolutely worst part came not too long ago. I was helping my dad get into my car, and as
I was putting on his seatbelt, he looked into my eyes and asked,
“Where is my daughter? I have not seen
her in a while.” I cried.
I
knew that moment would eventually arrive; the day when he may no longer
recognize me. But nevertheless, it tore
my heart apart. At that moment, I
thought about what he said to me 20 some years earlier, “You are made out of iron.” And then I realized that although he could no
longer be with me intellectually, I was so grateful for the life lessons
he gave me when he could. Words I cherish today.
That
day, I learned to not take one moment with my loved ones for granted. My father now lives in a wonderful residential
assisted living care home in Scottsdale.
He is confused most days but he is still amazingly happy and
pleasant. I am thankful for that. I find time to visit my father every day;
because I know that whatever condition he is in today, it will be worse tomorrow.
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| My dad, about 1 year ago, at his Assisted Living home. Always with a smile on his face. |
